What do you do when you can’t find hope? I knew the grim statistics for stage IV colon cancer survival.
I did not want to leave my husband. I didn’t want my children, both in their twenties, to see me die. I did not want to leave this beautiful earth.
I was a former chaplain, and I had helped many others find hope. But I could not find it for myself.
I went into the valley, all the while yearning for some sign of comfort or presence. It was a lonely time. Even with a loving and supportive family, facing my own mortality was a journey I had to make on my own.
I was truly bereft. I had experienced lonely spiritual times before, but this was particularly dreadful because it was going to affect other people – people I loved dearly.
In the dark nights of the soul, we really have no choice but to wait – just to be with ourselves in that place and experience the turmoil and the stillness, and maybe develop some more patience along the way. Dark nights of the soul can last a short time or a lot, lot longer (generally longer for me).
But they don’t last forever.