colonoscopy

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Painting

October 28, 2009 in Moments by admin | Comments

I took up painting over a year ago, then stopped during the summer of 08. In June 08 I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer and underwent surgery. Chemo in the fall and winter. Then during chemo I picked up art again and began learning in earnest.

Since people have asked to see what I do, I’ll post my work here now and then. I don’t have a particular style yet, as you will see; I’m all over the map. I’m drawn to abstract art, but so far I haven’t done much of that. Anyway, I’m so enjoying the challenges that I encounter in art.

I am just learning…about creativity, about process, about art in general. I love looking at other artists’ work. I absorb so much, and I enjoy seeing how they used color (or didn’t use it) and how they decided to compose the painting.

During my sixth colonoscopy earlier this month, my surgeon removed a flat polyp. No cancer, though! He’s keeping a close watch, and I am still on an annual colonoscopy schedule.

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Sixth colonoscopy

September 26, 2009 in Reflection by admin | Comments

I have an appointment with my colon surgeon tomorrow. I am due for my annual colonoscopy. My first colon cancer spread to my lungs, and the doc says that I can always get new cancers, thus the yearly colonoscopy. Tomorrow he will give me the prescription for the prep and we’ll make an appt for the colonoscopy.

I have had five colonoscopies. One year I messed up the prep instructions, and the colonoscopy actually had to be rescheduled. I would rather not have that happen again; it’s pretty embarrassing not to be able to follow basic instructions.

So my sixth colonoscopy draws near. I’m not ready for this prep, not when I’m still dealing with the effects of my second bout with shingles. I was in the hospital for three days last week, sick, in pain, and throwing up. It would be nice to have a little respite before I have to deal with the nausea of the colonoscopy prep.

I should be valuing the colonoscopy because it means early detection. But I dutifully had a colonoscopy in 2002, and it was clear. Either the doctor (not my current surgeon) didn’t see the cancer or it hadn’t begun yet, because in 2005 I was diagnosed with stage I colon cancer. Then, even with annual colonoscopies and PET/CT scans every three months, I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer in 2008.

I feel like I should be cancer-free. I have been the poster-child for getting tested and being proactive. But still I got colon cancer, and still it progressed to stage IV.

So although I’m very grateful to have health care that covers colonoscopies, I have mixed feelings about actually having them. I have to deal with this anger and sadness every year. I did what I was supposed to do, and it didn’t matter.

Many of us have this story, whether at home or at work. We feel like we fell through the cracks somehow, and we feel alone. Of course, we are not.

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Midway

October 21, 2008 in Moments, Update by admin | Comments

I’m halfway through chemo – six rounds done, six to go. I should be wrapping chemo up around January 2009.

In the meantime, I am prepping today for a colonoscopy tomorrow. The oncologist told me just because we’ve taken care of one malignant site doesn’t mean there might not be more in there. So tomorrow morning my surgeon will take a good look at my insides again.

I am truly grateful for good health care and for alert physicians. But having a colonoscopy during chemo is a little tough. I am feeling the cumulative effects of chemo now – some loss of balance, shakiness, fatigue, and the ever-present neuropathy in hands and mouth. Today I am fasting and will be drinking the vat of liquid this evening for internal cleansing, which will leave me even shakier.

Oh, and a mammogram on Friday. I know these tests all vitally important. That’s why I’m having them done.

Still . . . all I want to do is curl up in bed and rest, so I will do that this afternoon. Weariness and gratitude coexist here.

Outside my window, the temperature is dropping and the wind is up. Leaves are sailing off the trees like snow.

And now thunder is booming. Lovely.

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