January 2009

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Slumber

January 11, 2009 in Reflection by admin | Comments

The day after I completed chemo, I just slept. After my morning appointment, I crashed and slept all afternoon.  I awoke to fix dinner and take a phone call from a dear friend, who thankfully was very kind about my incoherent and sleepy self.  Then I fell asleep again. At 9:30pm, my husband woke me and tucked me in bed and I slept until 6:30am.

I guess the excitement from ending chemo was just too much for me, or else I just have a very worn out body—maybe a little of both. Anyway, sleeping seemed like a very therapeutic thing to do.

Anyway, today I was back at the gym on the elliptical and in the whirlpool, which felt very good to my neuropathy. Warmth is comforting, even if it doesn’t help the neuropathy disappear.

I try to be kind to myself these days. I may have many years ahead of me or I may not. But I am doing my best to spend whatever days I have listening to what is deep within me and abiding in that peace.

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Chemo completed

January 9, 2009 in Moments by admin | Comments

cpmd-cabbage-104Source of my peace
   Spring of my joy
As always, I find your presence
   within myself
      and drink deeply of your hope.

Listening within, waiting, I have regained hope and happiness. Life is different now, to be sure, but again I reach into myself and the tranquility that has been worked within me over the years, and I rest in this sacred dwelling pace for love and peace.

Today—well, yesterday now, as it is 2:40am on Friday—I finished my twelfth and final round of chemo. I am so happy.  No more tubes and pumps, at least for a while. As the fatigue wears off, I will be able to start exercising, in earnest this time. “Listen to your body!”  the oncologists emphasize. I will listen, I promise.

But it’s hiking again, back to the gym and the elliptical, long walks with the dog as weather permits (and it often does), walks interspersed with race-walking (approved by the oncologists), and bicycling (with Cliff, in case of balance mishap).

It will be a couple of weeks—as this weeks’ chemo runs its two-week course—before I do much.  Still, it’s exciting to think about and start working up to day by day.

Thank you ALL for your support!!!!!  And thank you, my heartlings — Joanna’s and Evan’s friends — including Douglas in Paraguay.

Well of joy, spring forth!

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