November 2008

I just had my ninth round of chemo . . . ¾ done! After consulting both oncologists, I decided to drop the chemo drug that is causing most of my neuropathy and give my body a rest. The oncologists were concerned about permanent nerve damage in my hands, feet, and mouth.

I consulted some kindly people on a colon cancer forum, and their input and the oncologists’ opinions helped me make this decision. It was tough, actually. It’s hard to know all the implications, and even the doctors don’t know it all. There’s so much uncharted territory yet.

I have very happy to have received an “all clear” from the PET/CT scan radiologist. I’m aware that the scanner only sees activity that is 3mm or larger. It doesn’t see the tiny stuff. So I really don’t know what remains inside me.

Still, I am celebrating the scan results. They could have been so much different. I take the good when it comes and bask in it as long as I can!

During the weekend, I was down with a chemo-related migraine that I couldn’t seem to control with pain meds. I am predictably getting a migraine during the second week of chemo, usually on the weekend. So I ride it out.

I had a long day yesterday (but the headache was gone!) — getting chemo for 4 hours and seeing both oncologists (one is far away) takes a while. I left the house at 8am and didn’t return until 5pm – a normal workday for most people but exhausting for me.

Fortunately, my very kind son drove me to and from the distant appointment, and I was so grateful in my weary state not to have to gear myself up and concentrate on commuter traffic.

Today I feel so good and peaceful and rested, even though I’m still wearing the chemo unit which is dispensing a drug into my body 24/7.

All the same, this is a rare day, when I feel so serene during chemo. I will get outside and walk the dog and admire the autumn leaves, which is always refreshing.

Jesse, my walking buddy

I just read my last post, and it sounds like I am reeling uncontrollably around the house, but I am not. Although the moments I wrote about all happened and continue to happen, they don’t occur on the same day (or else it might be a good day to go back to bed).

Well, the hair drifting to the floor is sort of a constant process.

Monday, when I wrote it, was a very bad day. I felt like I could hardly move. But Tuesday and today have been so much better. I’ve gotten errands done and am exploring pen and ink in the studio. I can’t seem to get the hang of pen and ink, but it’s fun anyway and I enter sort of a zen-like zone when I’m using the pen or the water brush.

. . . except earlier today when both new nib-holders broke and one of the nibs fell out in the inky wash water and I unfortunately poured both the dark water and the brand new nib down the toilet. A comedy of errors. I went back to the little art store, and the clerk said, “You just bought these yesterday.”

Yes. Well. The hapless artist strikes again.

Plus my 23-year-old son was there as a witness to see the nib go down the toilet. He offered to reach in and try to locate and retrieve the nib in the toilet water, which was opaque with black ink. Ew . . . even though the toilet was clean. Anyway, he was sweet to offer, but I declined. Everything had broken or disappeared at once, and I was afraid something else might happen, like his cell phone dropping in the water or something.

I have a PET/CT scan tomorrow and see both oncologists (the conservative one and the one who prefers aggressive treatment) next week. I know they will both be concerned about the worsening neuropathy (numbness and needle-like sensations) in my hands, feet, and mouth. We’ll see what news the PET/CT brings. I have chemo on Monday and get disconnected from the chemo pump the day before Thanksgiving.

The kids have offered to make Thanksgiving dinner and I am going to take them up on it, as I will probably not feel so good (and unfortunately may not be able to taste much either so soon after chemo). Cliff will help with the dinner too, as he always does. Love this family.

pen and ink attempt, day 1

What a week it’s been. The history-making presidential election is over, and whether or not you liked the outcome, ya gotta admit it’s great to have all those nasty commercials off the air.

As for me, I’ve done with seven rounds of chemo, and my eighth will begin in three days.

The side effects are more persistent now; some of them last the entire two-week round. I guess the chemo is building up in my system. I still try to walk most days – 2 ¼ miles yesterday and a mile today – but some days I am too tired to get myself out the door.

Art is a good escape for me, although the weekly lesson (which only lasts an hour) wears me completely out because it requires undivided attention and focus, and my attention span is very short now.

My vision has been affected by the chemo, so I made an eye appointment for Wednesday. I will probably need to get a cheap (relatively speaking) pair of interim glasses to get me through the rest of chemo and the months afterwards as my body tries to return to normal.

Cliff and both kids are out of town this weekend. But they keep calling me. My balance isn’t so good these days, and I think they want to make sure I’m not lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs! Not to worry; I try to be careful.